...I allow myself to make mistakes. I have a perfectionist streak that got me this far, but that will be more of a burden than a help in the classroom, I suspect. I also worry that I might not do well - I have to learn not to measure things so much in success and failure as in experience and moments to grow from. I'll be a great teacher when I let my perfectionism and worry fall by the wayside.
I think experience itself plays a big role in becoming a great teacher. When getting up in front of the class is routine (or at least more routine than not) I think it will be easier not to build up every day into something with alot of potential to be either negative or positive, but just to let it unfold.
I think the biggest challenge for me will be to find serenity in acceptance. When I bomb something, or get extremely embarrassed, I think I do what alot of people do, and dwell on it continually. I'll pick it apart, re-analyze every little piece of the excruciating situation moment by moment (focusing of course, on where it really got bad). I can't do that. It's just sadistic self-torture. I gain nothing from it, because I'm still so emotionally invested in the complete and utter failure that i miss what good I could gain from re-analysis. I invest so much emotion into the work that I do that I make it very personal at times. I've got to recognize that when something goes wrong in the classroom the fault won't always be mine, and when it is, I need to really develop an ability to step back and distance myself from it. That way I can look at things logically, and assess what caused the situation and how to diffuse it in the present, or the future.
"One must find the source within one's own Self, one must possess
it," ~Siddartha on truth: Siddartha by Herman Hesse
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